alone...

have u ever felt sooo alone, even if you're surrounded by many... i'm feeling that now... i feel soooo cold... tired, weary and ALONE... yes with a capital... papoy is away... out of town again, and it's only me and xiao jih... yes, we live with my family... but, things have become... tiring... i've been trying my best to be patient... to just leave things the way they want it to be... because i felt i don't have the right to make things RIGHT (in my own perspective)... but isn't it unfair? i've been doing this for the past 25 years of my life... just not saying anything, although things have been better, i now speak out (a little)... and yet nothing's happening... i feel non-existent... as if what i'm saying doesn't go through their head... ugh... and i'm sooo guilty... of hurting GOD... because i know, HE doesn't want me to feel this way... i know, HE doesn't want me to BE like this...

i just want to live a HAPPY life... HAPPY meaning they are HAPPY... they are OKAY... and that they don't hurt one another... and that, they make things RIGHT...

now, i'm forced to make a decision... i have to leave (again), but this time to make my family better... my own family... i don't want xiao jih to see the things underneath this "HAPPY" family...

we are not the worst family, but then i feel like this... i just feel we're stucked to the OLD US... that's why i have to leave... i have to make things RIGHT...

and i have to do this ALONE...

(sooo much drama for yet another update after several months of MIA, bwahahaha!)

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