new life...new beginning...

i recently moved out of our "home" yesterday..feeling uncertain of what teh future awaits me...but then i have positive views of the near future...i know i can make it..cause if i can't..i just have to make things happen...hehehe...(wlang lusot)...

yesterday, before i bid goodbye to my LOVED ONES, my eyes roamed the house for the slightest detail of love and affection..and i saw none...it hurt..but then i must move on..with or without them...and when everything was inside the taxi, i climbed back to the house and said goodbye.."ma, pa alis na po ako.."those were the exact words i said... and i get no response...not even a glimpse from them...tears were slowly forming in my eyes, but i fought back...and smiled...as i hugged and kissed my youngest sibling for the last time (for now)..."ate kaw pa rin magpapa-aral sa akin ha?"..i don't know how to feel..she has been saying that since i opened to her that i'm moving out..the first time she cried...i thought she'll miss me..but then she was just worried about her studies... funny how a 6 year old girl thinks... i wanna assure her that yes i'll still send her to school..but then my pocket is not an assurance...then, i glanced back inside the house, my third sister smiled..i don't know if it's an expression of "good luck" or a sign of relief...

i went back to the taxi..thinking that i'll be okay..but as the taxi sped away from the compound...tears just fell..until we reached the boarding house... pangit said, not now..but i said, i had to..coz as soon as i get inside my new room, everything should be OKAY...no going back...no more tears..just peace...and joy...

so as soon as we arranged the room...no more sad stories were shared...just joy...eventhough we were both thinking of what happened... pangit respected my silence as i decorated the place..he knew how i felt...

i didn't feel alone or lonely..and i didn't regret what i did... i felt stupid... that after all that i've done, this is how i am treated... i don't know if what i did was right or wrong... i just had to do it...and i'm happy of what i did... i just hope they didn't let me feel that i did not belong to the family...

well...i moved out..i moved on..i have to face whatever challenges i have to face... i thank GOD for giving me this new life...this new beginning..and i thank pangit for being always here by my side...and i thank the PARKERS for all the support...and all my friends who have accepted me as i am...

for all the love... thank you...;D

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