Mei Blogs

it's one of those good mornings that at 4:30 AM, xiao jih wakes up and looks at me...and then gives that "good morning mama" smile... his smile, makes me weak... and strong... drinking his milk, he looks at me while i'm fixing the "bed"... and catches him smiling again... what is the matter with this boy? he seems so happy... i hope he would be like that till he grows up to know the real world... i hope he grows up knowing that he is LOVED... later, i'll be home again.. awaiting for that precious smile of my child... and his cries... hahaha...

have u ever felt sooo alone, even if you're surrounded by many... i'm feeling that now... i feel soooo cold... tired, weary and ALONE... yes with a capital... papoy is away... out of town again, and it's only me and xiao jih... yes, we live with my family... but, things have become... tiring... i've been trying my best to be patient... to just leave things the way they want it to be... because i felt i don't have the right to make things RIGHT (in my own perspective)... but isn't it unfair? i've been doing this for the past 25 years of my life... just not saying anything, although things have been better, i now speak out (a little)... and yet nothing's happening... i feel non-existent... as if what i'm saying doesn't go through their head... ugh... and i'm sooo guilty... of hurting GOD... because i know, HE doesn't want me to feel this way... i know, HE doesn't want me to BE like this... i just want to live a HAPPY life... HAPPY meani...